


Achromatic

by crayyyonn



Series: Soulmate verse [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 16:15:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11405982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crayyyonn/pseuds/crayyyonn
Summary: Jaebum sees the world in shades of gray. Yugyeom was supposed to change that.





	Achromatic

**Author's Note:**

> 1sentence challenge response. challenge sets available [here](http://1sentenceorder.livejournal.com/1531.html).
> 
> i wrote/edited this with the black skirts' everything on a loop. listen as you read i guess... or not :D

#01 Comfort

Jaebum doesn’t like to complain.

Those who know him find it odd for how cynical and quick to anger he used to be, but over the years, he’s come to find it serves no purpose. Complaining merely prolongs the inevitable, makes everything more tedious. Besides, complaints change nothing. He’d rather cut through the bullshit quick and get to dealing with whatever life is waiting to throw at him next. After all, there seems to be no shortage of that.

It’s taken some time, but he’s comfortable now the way he is. He doesn’t mind that his blue skies are still gray, that the flowers Yugyeom likes to buy from the Sunday market are rendered in the same muted tones—at least their apartment always smells fantastic. He doesn’t even mind the way his kids use multi-colored pens for their assignments, thinking he wouldn’t know. And he didn’t, not until Jackson pointed it out one day when he was grading papers over lunch, but as long as they’re getting names, dates, and places correct, he doesn’t much care what color they’re in—it’s all the same to him anyway.

On occasion though, he does feel a pang of regret when Yugyeom comes home smelling of fresh hair dye and salon shampoo. For once, he’d like to know what new color he’s decided to experiment with without needing to be told.

 

#02 Kiss

He hadn’t always been so accepting of his lot in life.

He’d raged his fair share over the bad hand life dealt him over the years, after trying—and failing—to find the one who would color his life and make him whole. It was why he kissed the kid who had just moved in next door during playtime one day; he’d seen on TV that his life would change.

Of course, it didn’t. It wasn’t even a particularly enjoyable experience, because Jinyoung immediately bursts into tears, prompting Jackson to come up and punch him in the side of the head. Not one to back down from a fight, he hits back, catching him right in the eye. Jinyoung cries harder at that, attracting the attention of their teacher, who puts both of them into the timeout corner.

They would have missed tea time completely if not for Jinyoung, who comes up to them with the cookie he saved. He sniffles as he breaks off a piece and offers it to Jaebum, who nibbles on it and tries not to be envious of Jackson, who gets a bigger one. It doesn’t help that Jackson, who had been a little shit even back then, was grinning triumphantly. It takes Jaebum a hell of a lot more self control than a six year old has to not sock him in the eye again. Jinyoung’s tremulous smile helps.

They become inseparable after that, to the exasperation of teachers, parents, and the owner of the corner store they’d dare each other to nick candy from. Later, when Jaebum finally tells them why he kissed Jinyoung all those years back, Jackson had laughed and laughed and laughed, before saying, “It _was_ life-changing though, you met us. It was a kiss of fate!”

He rolls his eyes, thanking god for his quick reflexes when Jinyoung leans in with exaggeratedly puckered lips.

 

#03 Soft

They make fun of him for it constantly after that, Jackson in particular taking every opportunity to bring it up.

“See, I’d always thought you were chic and sexy hyung, but now that I think about it you’re just a softie at heart.”

Jaebum ignores him in favor of concentrating on his _naengmyeon_ , the slurping sounds echoing around the empty break room. So he’s a romantic, sue him. Between Jinyoung’s cynicism and Jackson’s cunning, someone has to be. 

Besides, Jackson isn’t one to talk. Jaebum has seen him when he’s with Jinyoung—there’s soft, and then there’s the way he looks at him, like he’s hung the moon and stars in the sky.

 

#04 Pain

Times like that, he has to look away before his yearning becomes overwhelming and impossible to bear.

 

* * *

 

#05 Potatoes

Jaebum first meets Yugyeom on a Sunday.

It’s winter break and a rare weekend of no papers to grade or classes to prep, so he takes full advantage of it by curling up on the couch under his favorite blanket, with excellent plans of watching his treasure trove of _The Simpsons_ episodes until he goes cross-eyed. Of course, that’s when Jinyoung throws his door open with a dramatic flourish.

“I need coffee hyung, come to the café with me,” he commands imperiously.

Rolling his eyes, Jaebum twists to face the inside of the couch. Jinyoung’s repertory is in the middle of a season, in which he’s playing a spoiled prince. Character bleed is apparently a real thing.

“No,” he says into the worn leather.

Jinyoung promptly takes to whining. “Hyuuuuung,” he says. When that doesn’t work, he tugs the blanket off Jaebum, pouting when he’s met with a hot glare. “I’ll buy?”

 

#06 Rain

They’re almost there when the heavens open up without warning. Cursing, Jaebum tugs his jacket over his head and runs for the café, Jinyoung half a step behind him. Once they’re safely under the awning, the stare up at the sky, willing their breaths to slow.

“I didn’t think it would rain so soon,” Jinyoung says mournfully. “I thought we had a least an hour more.”

Jaebum shrugs. “I didn’t think it was going to rain at all.”

There’s a spray of droplets as the wind blows, and the door pulls open from behind them with a soft tinkle of bells.

“Come on in before you get soaked,” he hears.

The voice is nice. Nasally with youth but pleasant all the same with the smile that's in it. Jaebum turns, wiping the rain off his face as he does.

The air fills with spring. Breath catching, he falls.

 

#07 Chocolate

“What can I get you?”

The barista is smiling. Jaebum’s eyes may be playing tricks on him, but he seems to be glowing. He looks like an angel.

Next to him, Jinyoung clears his throat. “I’ll have a peppermint mocha. Hyung?”

“I, uh,” Gaze landing on the menu board, he reads off it at random. “Hot chocolate?”

The smile widens into a beam and Jaebum’s pretty sure he’s not imagining it when the café grows brighter. “That’s my favorite!” He rings them up deftly and says, “That’ll be eleven thousand four hundred won. Take a seat, I’ll bring the drinks to you when they’re ready.”

It’s probably thanks to the rain that the café isn’t crowded, and they easily find a table next to the windows with a perfect view of the downpour. The streets are blurred by rain, so Jaebum twists in his chair to see him, drink in the way he’s working the coffee machine with practiced ease, slender fingers expertly flipping levers and cleaning off the steam wand as he hums cheerily. Jaebum has to strain to catch the familiar melody of _Cherry Blossom Ending_. An odd choice considering they’re barely into winter.

“Stop staring,” Jinyoung hisses. He punctuates it with a swift kick at Jaebum’s shin. Jaebum ignores him. 

Their drinks are ready in no time, but it’s another barista who brings them over, to Jaebum’s disappointment. He’s tall and skinny and appears just as his hot chocolate is being topped with whipped cream.

“Enjoy!” he sings. If not for the fact that he’s been in the back the whole time and couldn’t have known, Jaebum could have sworn he did it on purpose.

 

#08 Happiness

He’s sipping his drink slowly, inconspicuously watching his barista when he catches his eye. He sends Jaebum a quick grin as he rings up another customer, then points at Jaebum before turning the finger to his own mouth.

Blinking in confusion, Jaebum mimics him. Then realization hits, and he sticks his tongue out to lick at the whipped cream around his mouth. The barista giggles, face scrunching up cutely. Jaebum smiles sheepishly in response.

Despite the gloomy weather, and despite Jinyoung’s exaggerated retching noises from across the table, somehow, it feels like spring is in the air.

 

#09 Telephone

It takes Jaebum two weeks of going to the café every day—not for any nefarious purposes, he maintains to his housemates, but because he really needs the caffeine, truly, they have no idea what spawns of Satan kids are these days—to learn that the barista’s name is Yugyeom and that he only works Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays. He also learns the skinny barista’s name—Bambam—and from him, that Yugyeom is three years younger than him, is a junior at a nearby college, and dances competitively in his spare time. Mark, the manager of the café, chips in with Yugyeom’s social media accounts once he’s determined that Jaebum’s crush is harmless, and even offers up a phone number.

Jaebum doesn’t take it. The glint in his eyes tells him he’ll owe the other more than regular patronage of the café if he does.

“Are you stalking the kid’s Instagram again?” Jackson asks one evening upon breezing in, reeking from a day’s worth of fencing practice.

“Not stalking,” Jaebum says, scrolling past a selfie. He’s seen it so many times, he’s practically memorized where Yugyeom’s moles are.

“Yes he is,” Jinyoung intones, eyes never leaving his script, at the same time Jackson scoffs, “Jesus, you are.” Leaning over the couch, he pecks Jinyoung on the cheek in greeting. “You should have taken his number when Mark offered, hyung, or hell, just ask him to a movie or something. Wasn’t it you who said _I’d definitely make the first move if I like them_ when I was nervous about asking Jinyoung out?”

“Aw, you were nervous?” Jinyoung simpers.

Jackson doesn’t bat an eyelash in his reply. “You’ve made me tell you that story about a million times, you can’t milk it forever. Anyway, come on hyung, it’s not cute anymore. In fact, it’s kind of creepy.”

“I’m not _stalking_ him, I’m just… it’s not a crime to look, is it?” he defends.

 

#10 Ears

Of course, that’s when his phone pings with a new post from _yu_gyeom_ , who’s apparently gotten new piercings and as everyone his generation does, has taken to social media to show them off. They’re hoops, and although Jaebum has no idea if they’re black or silver or gold or all shades of the rainbow, kind of match his own.

Fiddling with said matching hoops, he smiles, then instantly realizes that he’s made a mistake when his phone is snatched out of his hands.

“Jackson!”

“Oh, cute. Now you’ve got something in common to talk about.”

 

#11 Name

He tosses it back just as Jaebum growls in warning, but they’ve both known him for far too long to be intimidated.

Laughing, Jinyoung says, “He should probably start with his real name first. He’s been giving them that dumb b-boy name when they ask him for it.”

They’ve known him for too long, period.

“I hate you both.”

Jackson’s pealing laughter and girlish squeals of _hey b-boy king_ and _defsoul oppa I love you_ follows him all the way back to his room.

 

#12 Sensual

The days quickly settle into a pleasurable routine. Hot chocolate after his last class on Fridays and again on Sunday afternoons, whether with Jinyoung or Jackson or by himself, and later on, with Yugyeom too.

It’s been years, but Jaebum thinks it’s one of those habits he’ll never—and never want to—break.

 

* * *

 

#13 Death

Still, it’s inevitable that he does, and one of those times is last period on a Friday afternoon nearly a year later, when he gets the call about his grandmother midway through a lecture on the Korean War. He consoles his mother as well as he can when she breaks down, as well as he can from miles away, over the tinny static of the phone. When she’s calmer, he tells her he’s in the middle of class, tells her he’ll call her back.

He continues with class, sets his kids a pop quiz for the following week. There’s barely any resistance when he announces it; they intuitively realize that something isn’t quite right. Even their exodus from the classroom when the bell rings is unusually subdued. Packing up, he heads home instead of going to the café, but sees Yugyeom anyway. His mom probably called him right after. He doesn’t call her back and he doesn’t cry either, not even when Yugyeom wraps him up in a solid embrace and lets him bury his face in his collar.

He breathes him in, grounds himself in the elusive scent that surrounds Yugyeom. Then he lifts his head to pull him down for a kiss, a clash of lips and tongue and teeth.

 

#14 Sex

Yugyeom’s fingers are hot, hotter than he’d imagined. They’re trembling a little from nerves too, which Jaebum finds ridiculously adorable despite the arousal coursing through his body. It’s their first time doing it like this. The heat is overwhelming, the chill of the lube sears.

“Are you sure,” Yugyeom whispers, lips inches above Jaebum’s, eyes so wide and so dark they make Jaebum’s dick jump where it’s trapped between their stomachs. Breath hitching, Yugyeom shudders in anticipation.

He just nods, unable to speak, swallows when he feels Yugyeom begin to work his way in, careful and methodical. The sting of the stretch is tempered by the kisses pressed into his mouth, slow and tender. Jaebum isn’t having it. Reaching up, he tugs Yugyeom down, pushes his hips into the wary touch. He doesn’t need gentle, not now.

 

#15 Touch

He deems himself ready when Yugyeom has three fingers sliding in and out of him, catching at the rim and making him hiss. Reaching for a condom, he tears it open and waits as Yugyeom rolls it onto himself, before flipping them over with a burst of energy. Straddling Yugyeom at the waist, he feels for the swollen cock and grabs it. It throbs at the tightness of his grip.

Lining it up, he slowly lowers himself, grunting as he wiggles to adjust for awkward angles. He doesn’t realize he’s chewing on his bottom lip until a gentle thumb runs over it, coaxing it free.

 

#16 Weakness

“Okay?” Yugyeom asks, voice ragged. It makes Jaebum pause for a moment to stare at his lips, plush and swollen from his earlier roughness and all of a sudden he’s _pissed_. He wishes he can see how red it’s turned, wishes he can tell where Yugyeom is flushed. He wishes that at the very least, his most intense, most passionate moments would cease to be subdued and understated. Indistinct.

Gray.

It’s so unfair.

He knows he shouldn’t be thinking like that. He’s fortunate enough to _have_ Yugyeom, who loves him and puts up with him even at his worst. And while they’re not perfect, they’ve worked hard to get where they are now, and Yugyeom has proven himself to be his other half in every way.

Silencing the voice that replies _except for the one that matters_ , he forces himself all the way down.

 

#17 Tears

It hurts.

He wonders if this is what Yugyeom feels when they have sex, especially on nights when they fight and fuck it out because they’re too hotheaded and stubborn to use actual words. It brings to mind the slap of flesh on flesh, the tightness he shoves through, the unshed tears hidden behind long lashes he pretends not to see, and Jaebum is hit by a pang of remorse and a wave of self-loathing so strong, it manifests in heat at the back of his eyes.

He grips Yugyeom by the shoulders, pushes himself up on his toes before sliding down fully. Yugyeom’s eyes fly open on a moan, dazed.

“Hyung,” he breathes, already on the edge even though they’ve just started.

Jaebum smiles down at him and does it again. And again. And again and again and again until Yugyeom’s eyes flutter closed despite himself, lashes a pair of dark parentheses on high cheekbones. Just as he’s convinced the sting will never fade, it starts getting easier with every slide, spurred on by every desperate sound he wrings out of the plush lips, by the bony hips that jerk up to meet his movements. Staring unblinkingly at the increasingly pleasured expression on Yugyeom’s face, Jaebum concentrates at making it better.

 

#18 Speed

His single-minded focus has him going unconsciously faster, until his thighs burn from the exertion and his entrance from the friction. All that fades into the background though, at the sudden touch of cool fingers on his cock, still unbelievably hard despite the lack of attention it was getting.

The tentative touch melts into a warm fist and he hisses, arches forward with a moan once Yugyeom starts working him frantically, like he wants to send him off the precipice first. Refusing to give in, Jaebum bounces harder, faster until the room is filled with nothing but the sound of sex.

Still, Yugyeom somehow retains the presence of mind to twist his wrist, to swipe a thumb over the leaking head, and Jaebum falls into his climax and down onto Yugyeom, shuddering as he paints the pale body with hot stripes of come. Thankfully, Yugyeom isn’t far behind him, groan stolen out of his mouth by Jaebum’s greedy mouth, fingers squeezing bruises into Jaebum’s ass cheeks for leverage as he thrusts up, up, up.

 

#19 Wind

After, they lie unmoving for long minutes to catch their breath, Jaebum gradually coming back into himself to slow strokes up and down his back. It’s warm in their room and Yugyeom warmer still, but he curls tightly into him anyway.

 

#20 Freedom

Eventually, they convince themselves to get up and clean up, but he doesn’t stray far from Yugyeom, keeping him within touching distance like he’s afraid he’ll dissolve into thin air if he doesn’t. Once they’re finished, they climb back into bed and Jaebum instantly fits himself back into his side, relishing in the arms that automatically wrap themselves around his waist. He’s barely given any space to budge but he’s okay with that, because only then does he let himself go, let the tears come.

Yugyeom holds him through to the morning.

 

* * *

 

#21 Life

The first time he tells Jinyoung and Jackson about his mark is the night theirs took shape. 

It’s fascinating, seeing the lines of the previously shapeless blobs—on the side of Jinyoung’s right arm and under Jackson’s left collarbone—solidify and turn distinct. Fascinating still to marry that discovery with years of memories of the way their relationship had stumbled and grown, and the way they now look at each other at new understanding. They’d loved each other from the beginning; fate telling them they should is just a bonus.

To celebrate, they go to the pub. Four drinks in and heavy-limbed, Jaebum slurs, “I thought you could be mine, you know. That’s why I, you know.” He gestures to Jinyoung’s mouth with a pout.

“We don’t know,” Jinyoung teases from where he’s half-tangled up in a laughing Jackson. His breath stinks of cherry schnapps, eyes glinting with mischief and affection. “Do elaborate.”

“Ass. It was far from a good kiss anyway.” He flips off the offended _hey_ , then raises his glass in a toast. “In any case, I love you both, and I’m happy you have each other.”

And because his roommates are horrible people who don’t deserve his love, all they do after that declaration is to rope him into a promise to do the dishes and laundry for the next two weeks, and after all that, make fun of him for being a sentimental drunk.

A day after that though, Jackson brings take out back from Jaebum’s favorite restaurant. In between bites of grayscale _tangsuyuk_ and _jajangmyeon_ , he launches into an encouraging, obviously pre-prepared spiel about how Jaebum shouldn’t despair, that there’s someone out there for him for sure, that he’ll find his other half one day, _for sure_.

Jaebum, for his part, just laughs at him for how awkward he’s being. Jinyoung clearly put him up to this.

“It’s fine, Jackson, I’m fine, really.”

After all, not everyone finds the one meant for them. Such is life.

 

#22 Jealousy

And he’s happy for his friends, truly, but there are days when he has to turn away from where they’re curled up on the couch, more attuned to each other than whatever is playing on the TV. It’s not even that he’s never felt like a third wheel before their marks—god knows he has—but for some reason, it’s now a lot harder to bear.

 

* * *

 

#23 Hands

Two days before opening night of _A Prince in Paris_ , Jinyoung hands him a ticket.

“I’m not even going to give you an extra this time, I know you’ll just waste it and not bring anyone,” he says dismissively. Of course, what he really means is that he’ll just go ahead and invite Jaebum’s plus one himself, something Jaebum only finds out when he gets to the theater to find that the seat next to his is filled by none other than Yugyeom.

“Hi! I know you,” he says. Jaebum squeezes past the long legs to get to his chair, steadfastly ignoring Jackson, who’s smirking as he follows suit. “Defsoul, right?”

He grins, and Jaebum isn’t sure if it’s the flash of bright, straight teeth or the scent of spring clinging to him; whatever it is, it makes his heart leap and his tongue thick.

“Uh, yeah, but you can call me Jaebum,” he replies, careful not to stutter. Next to him, Jackson valiantly tries to stifle his cackling. He mostly fails.

Jaebum is met with another blinding smile. “I’m Yugyeom! Jinyoung hyung didn’t say you’d be here.”

 _Traitor_ , Jaebum thinks, then _liar_ as Jackson leans over to tell Yugyeom that Jinyoung is usually scatterbrained when he’s in character. He should have known that his housemates had something cooking up their sleeves. They would never have stopped needling him about his lack of initiative otherwise.

Thankfully, the lights dim then, saving Jaebum from the inevitable small talk he’s terrible at. Then he regrets it, because the darkness only makes him more aware of Yugyeom’s proximity than ever, the sound of his laugh during comedic scenes, the spring scent that lingers, the excited hand on his forearm when Jinyoung appears on stage.

The light touch feels like a brand.

 

#24 Taste

The after party is in full swing by the time they navigate through traffic to the designated bar, and Jinyoung, several drinks deep with makeup smudging over his face, kisses Jackson full on the mouth before stumbling into Jaebum to plant one on him too.

“Get off me,” Jaebum grumbles, wiping his mouth clean of stale champagne. He pulls Yugyeom out of the way in the nick of time. “And off Yugyeom too, you’re gonna scare him away.” Yugyeom leans into him as he laughs, a line of heat against his side. He pretends not to notice.

Grinning, Jackson tugs Jinyoung securely into his arms. “Don’t mind him, he’s always like this when he drinks. Lightweight,” he chides him affectionately.

Jinyoung harrumphs and declares, “I’m just _happy_ , that’s what I am. Jaebum hyung should be too, I’m such a great wing—”

He’s cut off by Jackson’s hand on his mouth, muffling the rest of the sentence. “Alright, that’s enough from you, you lush. Let’s go get you some water.”

 

#25 Devotion

Jaebum watches them go, fondness rushing through him when Jinyoung whispers something to Jackson that makes him laugh. Even from a distance, the adoration that shines from Jackson’s eyes is clear for all to see.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, are they together?” Yugyeom asks.

Jaebum nods. “Yeah, have been for a long time. They recently found out they’re soulmates too.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Yugyeom replies, his tone sounding like he thinks it’s anything but. At Jaebum’s questioning noise, he continues, “It’s the dream for most people, I guess, but my parents, they’re both markless. I think I might be too?” He shrugs. “I’ve never put much stock into the whole ‘other half’ thing. Honestly, I’m glad I don’t have to.”

His smile, when he turns it onto Jaebum, dazzles. “Do you?”

 

#26 Forever

“Do I what?”

“Believe in soulmates. That you’re incomplete without the person who’s destined for you.”

Affecting nonchalance, Jaebum says, “It’s comforting, isn’t it? That there’s someone out there for you who will be yours, be by your side no matter what. What?” he says, when Yugyeom grins assessingly at him.

“Never would have pegged you as a romantic, hyung. Can I call you hyung? You’re older right?”

Feeling his cheeks color, Jaebum looks away for a moment to ground himself, although he has to turn back when Yugyeom goes on.

“I guess it _is_ reassuring to know you’ll definitely have someone that’s yours forever. Jinyoung hyung is lucky though, what are the odds of the person you love turning out to be your soulmate? I don’t think I’ll be that fortunate by half. Besides, it just seems improbable, to be with one person forever.”

The disillusion in his eyes, the cynicism in his voice, they sour the sweetness in the air.

 

* * *

 

#27 Blood

Whenever Jaebum imagined this scenario, he’d never pictured it in an alley, next to a pile of garbage, Yugyeom looking down—yes, down, curse his tall genes—with barely concealed amusement in his eyes as Jaebum stutters his way through asking him out.

It’s Jackson’s fault, no doubt about it. He’d bounded into his classroom in the morning, ignoring the major stink eye Jaebum gives him, saying breezily, “So I heard from Jinyoung who heard from Mark who heard from the man himself that—”

He pauses here, for dramatic effect possibly, from the way he’s staring Jaebum down in what he and Jinyoung have privately termed his _quick I’m amazing give me a cookie_ manner, before crowing, “Yugyeom thinks you’re hot!”

Jaebum looks down at his stack of term papers, but not before he feels the blood rushing to his cheeks.

“Did you hear me? Yugyeom thinks you’re—”

Clearing his throat, Jaebum hastily cuts in, “Yes, Jackson, I heard you the first time. So?”

“So?” Jackson parrots, drawing himself up to his full height. It isn’t much, Jaebum thinks uncharitably. “ _So_? So make a move! It’s perfect, you like him, he likes you, you can do the do!”

“He doesn’t believe in soulmates, Jackson. Plus he's markless.”

There’s a pause, then carefully, he says, “You know, I know the whole soulmate thing is important to you, and I get it, really. I don’t think I’d have been able to take that,” he gestures at his eyes,” for as long as you have, but…”

He trails off, and Jaebum quirks his lips up in a half smile. “But?”

Somewhere down the hallway, the first bell rings, signaling the five minute grace period before classes start for the day. His students are already streaming in in twos and threes. Returning their greetings, Jackson gets up from his perch on his desk to make his way to the gym.

“Just, Jinyoung and I, we didn’t know for years, right?” he says. “Even if our soulmates were other people, it wouldn’t have changed the way I feel about him any, you know?”

And maybe it’s the way Jackson’s words loop unceasingly in his head in the hours after, or the memory of Yugyeom’s smile as he rings him up. Whatever the reason, he finds himself standing outside the café after his last class, dragging his feet about going inside, content with glimpses of the familiar, lean silhouette bustling around the store. With a sigh, he heads to the alleyway next to the café so he doesn’t look too much like a creepy stalker—he’s already gotten a few looks in the twenty minutes he’s been loitering—but it’s just his luck that Yugyeom comes out barely five minutes later, nearly slamming the side door into him as it swings outwards.

The garbage bag rustles noisily in his grip. “Jaebum hyung! Sorry, I didn’t see you.” He makes quick work of the trash, then turns back to him with a bright smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I,” Jaebum sucks in a quick breath. “I wanted to,” he gulps, unable to hear anything beyond the pounding of his heart.

It’s ridiculous how unnerved he feels when he never has, especially not in situations like these. He wasn’t lying when he told Jackson that he’d definitely make the first move if he liked someone, it’s just that Yugyeom’s, well, he’s different.

“I—” He chances a glance up at Yugyeom, who’s still looking straight at him, wide-eyed and waiting.

“You?” he prompts.

And for the second time that day, he feels his face burning with the force of the blood rushing to his cheeks. He wants to look away but Yugyeom’s gaze is magnetic, capturing his. He wishes for a hat, wishes for what little security it would have given him.

Steeling himself, he shifts his gaze to the bridge of Yugyeom’s nose. “I wanted to, well, I guess I, maybe you—”

“Hyung,” Yugyeom cuts in then, and Jaebum is about to thank whichever deity is apparently looking out for him and saving him from mortification, when he continues, “Go on a date with me?”

 

#28 Sickness

Jackson crows when Jaebum recounts the (very abridged) story of how he asked Yugyeom out. Jinyoung is more sedate in his celebration, but Jaebum doesn’t miss the mirth in his eyes when he calmly counters, “You didn’t though, Yugyeom was the one who did the asking, he told me.”

Then he grins, cat-like, and pats Jaebum on the shoulder. “But it’s okay, hyung. You don’t have to be the man in this relationship.”

To Jaebum’s chagrin, his answering swipe misses by a mile. Jinyoung and Jackson tumble into a snickering heap on the far end of the couch.

He glares, declaring, “I hate you both.”

He repeats it word for word months later when they barge in on him and Yugyeom sitting in that very same spot. He’s crouched over the younger, thighs bracketing him in as he chases the wet heat, relishing in the strong grip on his waist and whining for more when delighted catcalls pierce through the fog in his mind. He ducks to hide his flaming face in the crook of Yugyeom’s neck.

“Fuck off,” he groans.

Body vibrating with Yugyeom’s embarrassed laughter, he refuses to look up when he’s prodded for a congratulatory high five (Jackson, although Yugyeom actually slaps his palm against his, the little shit) before being duly instructed to _use protection hyung, we’ve got supplies if you don’t_ (Jinyoung, the devil incarnate. Jaebum has no idea why he ever thought he could love him. He ignores the fact that he already does.)

The snick of their door muffles their cackling somewhat. “Are they gone,” he mumbles into the still-racing pulse, curling helplessly into the large hand that strokes soothingly down his back.

“Yeah.”

Yugyeom is grinning at him when he looks up, open and bright, and Jaebum is leaning in again like iron to magnet when he says, “You’re so cute hyung.”

He rears back. “I am not  _cute_ ,” he huffs in affront, ducking away when Yugyeom tries for another kiss. It proves futile, although he sucks in his lips in protest in order to limit his access. “Take it back.”

“Not a chance.”

It’s whispered into his mouth, coaxed open by skilled lips and deft tongue and Jaebum experiences a hot flash of jealousy for the person (people?) Yugyeom had previously learned this from, practiced this with. But the errant thought disappears once Yugyeom licks in deep, leaving him breathless and aching within moments. Lethargy rolls through him even as desire sparks, turning him sluggish and fevered. It's too hot, too much; it's not enough. He gives back as good as he gets, eagerly chasing the quiet moans and desperate gasps.

Then fingers are running through the hair at his nape, in concert with the ones sliding under the hem of his shirt and the world comes back in focus in a flash. He stills.

“Too soon?”

Jaebum looks down at him, sees the sincerity in his eyes despite the way they have gone half lidded and dark. His lips are swollen and wet, and he idly wonders if they’ve turned as pink as in the stories he’s read. The scent of spring is thick in the air, heady, congesting his nose and throat as he braces himself for the sneeze that won't come. It’s been happening more of late; he keeps forgetting to ask Yugyeom what brand of cologne he uses.

Yugyeom’s still waiting, eyes searching as they look into his, and Jaebum makes up his mind.

“No. But not here.” Leaning in to give Yugyeom a swift peck, he clambers off him and extends a hand.

 

#29 Melody

He will never admit to it no matter how much Jinyoung needles him, because he’s not _lovesick_ , okay? Yugyeom’s just really tall and slender and his pants fit him just right enough to draw eyes to him. He’s not mooning like a teenage girl, he’s not. He’s even grading papers like he should be, see?

Circling the final answer with a pen labeled _red_ , a thoughtful gift from a student, he starts totaling up the score. Then he has to do it again, because halfway through his calculations, Yugyeom comes over to refill his mug with honeyed tea. Which means he has to beckon him down to press a quick peck on his cheek just to see the bashful smile that takes over his face. It’s late on a Friday evening and there’s no one else in the café besides them, a few other regulars, and Mark anyway.

Not only does the manager turn a blind eye to them as long as business isn’t too busy and they’re not too showy, once he finds out about Jaebum’s sweet tooth, starts sending them home with leftover pastries and cake too. Of course, this is only after the veiled threats of long, drawn out deaths if he ever hurts Yugyeom—Mark seems to delight in coming up with the most sadistic scenarios, no wonder Jinyoung has taken to him like a fish to water, to Jackson’s very vocal jealousy.

And he does mean _very_ vocal, they unfortunately share a wall.

He’s almost used to the constant sweet scent that clings to Yugyeom by now, forgets to register it more often than not. It’s apparently not cologne, because the younger doesn’t wear any, so Jaebum is still trying to figure out where it’s from. His efforts are often derailed however, because Yugyeom likes to take him sniffing him all over as a prelude to other, more strenuous (but enjoyable) activities. Although he’ll complain, Jaebum doesn’t mind it much.

It’s still always on the back of his mind though, especially now that the seasons are turning and everything bluesy on the radio has turned into light, spring-themed pop. Even the café has been playing _Cherry Blossom Ending_ on repeat. As a result, Yugyeom hasn’t stopped humming it.

“I can’t help it, it’s been stuck in my head for months now,” he explains when Jaebum finally brings it up in the car one day on their way home. “Guess we’re lucky it’s a good song? What do you want to do for dinner?”

Jaebum groans at the question, his earlier one forgotten. “Why are you asking when you’re going to veto everything I say and insist on Jilhal Bros anyway? For the third time this week, too.”

“It’s not the th—oh it is.”

He just scoffs at Yugyeom’s weak grin and the way he surreptitiously (or so he thinks) takes the next exit for Hongdae.

 

#30 Star

For their first anniversary, Jaebum takes them to Gwacheon. He’s immediately disappointed though, and sulks his way through nearly all of the two-hour wait for the predicted meteor shower.

“I’d imagined a vast open field, damn it,” he finally mutters when Yugyeom gives up on patience and point blank asks him what the fuck his problem was. “Not this.”

This, referring to the crowded blacktop sandwiched between two small mountain peaks blocking out the city lights, and about three hundred college students around them, tapping feverishly on their light-emitting phones.

Yugyeom snorts, still tense, before telling him he doesn’t mind going elsewhere. And once again, Jaebum wonders what he’s ever done to deserve him. Reaching over the blanket they’re both lying on, he grabs the bony hand and tangles their fingers together in silent apology.

“I just, I wanted it to be romantic,” he says sullenly.

He’s about to continue, to grovel maybe, because his attitude so far has been anything but celebratory, but that’s when a hushed murmur falls through the crowd. As phones get turned off one by one and darkness cloaks them, he sees the streaks, bright against the inky sky. They disappear as quickly as they come, Jaebum barely getting enough time to think his wish before they burn out. It’s silly he knows, making wishes on a bunch of blazing space rocks. Jinyoung would laugh at him if he knew. He does it anyway.

It’s over much too soon, the earlier murmurs of amazement quickly taken over by the bustle of people packing up to leave. Unwilling to fight through the throng of people and undoubtedly terrible traffic, they lie there for a little longer, staring silently up at the sky even though there’s nothing more to see, hands still pressed together between their hips.

Then Yugyeom rolls over, blanketing Jaebum’s body with his. Leaning forward, he kisses him slow and deep before pulling back, their noses touching.

“Thank you.”

It’s not until the highway is under their wheels and Gwacheon far behind them in the rearview mirror that Jaebum remembers. Pulling his seat back up and turning down the radio, he clears his throat.

“Gyeom, you… you know I, well, I love? You.”

He could have done better but Yugyeom beams anyway, eyes never leaving the road. “I love you too hyung.”

 

#31 Home

They talk about moving in together long before actually setting out to look for an apartment. When they do find one, it’s by chance, through a friend of a friend of a friend. It’s east-facing, with great light and polished wooden floors, tiny but the perfect size for two. They fall in love with it instantly. After signing the lease and transferring the deposit, Jaebum buys takeout to celebrate, tells Jinyoung and Jackson not to miss him too much over bites of tangy _tangsuyuk_.

“I’ll be seeing your ugly mug at school every day still,” Jackson dismisses, but Jinyoung laments, “Who am I going to rant about Jackson to? Who am I going to practice lines with? _Who’s going to get my coffee?_ ”

“You could get your own,” Jaebum suggests.

“Yes but Yugyeom only gives them to you for free,” Jinyoung whines, before launching into a dramatic chest-grabbing, wet-eyed soliloquy about being betrayed by the child he raised.

“Jaebum hyung’s mother raised him you drama queen.”

The bickering and theatrics continue well after dinner, though they die down when Jackson brings it out, the bottle he’d bought when they first moved in together, all those years back when they were fresh out of college pretending they knew the first thing about being adults out in the real world. Jinyoung produces glasses—actual wineglasses instead of the mugs they drink the cheap stuff out of—with the flair of a magician.

Jaebum didn’t even know they _owned_ wineglasses.

Lump rising in his throat, Jaebum tightens his grip on Yugyeom’s hand. “Man, I’m gonna miss you both.”

The contemplative silence his pronouncement prompts is short-lived when Jackson breaks it with, “Bitch you’re just moving two blocks away, it’s not like you’ll be in another city. Now hand me that bottle opener so we can finally be rid of this it’s taking up space in the fridge.”

They toast to everything, the liquid swirling thick and dark, going down smooth and leaving a trail of heat in its wake. When they finish the bottle, they chase it with _somaek_ to cater to Jaebum’s Korean palate. They’ll regret it tomorrow, but for tonight, they burn brighter than the sun.

 

* * *

 

#32 Confusion

The same smoke-filled clubs, the same nameless faces, the same jeering and catcalls when Jaebum leans down to grab Yugyeom’s arm. Eyes already heavy with drink and wet lips slack, he wobbles as he’s unceremoniously hauled up, staggers into Jaebum’s side with a dopey grin. Jaw clenched, Jaebum slings an arm over his shoulders and slides his own around the trim waist, propping him up.

“Hyung, why’re you here?”

Yugyeom’s exhale is hot, searing where it lands on the side of his neck, uncomfortably noxious, souring the familiar sweetness that clings to him. Jaebum’s gut roils.

“We’re leaving.” He nods at the group, most of them slumped haphazardly over the grimy surface of the vinyl booth. “How much for his share?”

One of them snickers and puffs smoke in his direction, grin wide in the flickering lights.

“Not so fast _hyung_ ,” he drawls, snide emphasis on the honorific. “Yugyeom said he’d pick up the tab tonight, didn’t you, pretty boy?”

In response to his name, Yugyeom laughs, low and breathy. The sound grates on Jaebum’s ears. Reaching for his wallet, he pulls out a few bills and tosses them onto the table right into a bowl of peanuts. The kid laughs again and somehow, it’s what gets stuck in Jaebum’s head on a loop, despite the thumping music that follows him and Yugyeom out of the club. It never goes differently, his Friday nights of late (and sometimes Saturdays or Mondays or even Wednesdays, because _it’s hump day hyung let me live_.)

It’s the same damn thing every fucking time and Jaebum is fast beginning to run on empty.

He manages to get them home just in time. Letting Yugyeom stumble his way to the bathroom, he sinks into a chair with his head in his heads, needing just a moment. Once the retching starts, he gets up for a glass and the bottle of painkillers he always has handy now.

It doesn’t take long for Yugyeom to come out, smelling like mint instead of vomit and cigarette smoke—he’s changed in addition to brushing his teeth. Even so, the sour-sweet stench lingers. 

Grabbing the painkillers, he tosses them back, downs the water, and puts the glass in the sink. Then he turns to face Jaebum, curling up onto himself against the counter. Blue, he said. When they first moved in, he’d tugged Jaebum through the entire apartment painting things with colors Jaebum had never seen and could not begin to imagine. He’s forgotten most of them but he remembers the kitchen counter because right after whispering _blue_ , Yugyeom fucked him right into it, the whisper turning into a chanting mantra in Jaebum’s head, pushing him over the edge.

Some nights, he gets himself off to when he’ll finally see the counter in full color. This despite not having the faintest idea what  _blue_ is supposed to look like. 

(Because it’s when, not if. Right? It has to be.)

“Hyung,” the sigh is explosive. “You shouldn’t have come. I didn’t call you.”

His words are still slurred because he’s far from sober, and Jaebum doesn’t need this, not right now. Yugyeom has been distant ever since joining a new crew, never cold or hostile, just plainly deferential, like they haven’t been together for going on two years and living together almost half of it. He’s used to Yugyeom charmingly demanding his way, pouting and wheedling until he does get it, not this near-stranger he feels he’s been sharing a house with for the past few months. He hates being tiptoed around, hates being treated like he’s nothing more than a bedmate, and then it strikes him, that Yugyeom hasn’t initiated sex in a while, even before the personality transplant. He’s chalked it up to exam stress, but he’s no longer sure.

He doesn’t need this right now.

“Can we talk?”

“Let’s just go to bed, you’ve got class tomorrow.”

He turns to make his way to the bedroom but is stopped by a tug on his arm. “Hyung please. If you won’t let me explain, at least let me—I can’t go on like this.”

And maybe this is what it feels like to have your entire world crashing down around you, Jaebum thinks, and he’s tempted, so tempted. He should let him talk, let him explain. At least he’ll have a better chance of understanding why, what he’s done wrong, how he can make it right again. But underneath that is something else, the niggling thought that there’s also a chance of him saying—

He shakes the hand off. “Go to sleep, Yugyeom, we’ll talk tomorrow.”

He leaves for the bedroom and climbs under the covers. It usually doesn’t take Yugyeom long to come in and crawl stiffly into bed next to him, no matter how vicious their fight was. No matter who was in the wrong, Yugyeom is usually the one to acquiesce first, to reach out and placate and mollify and reassure. Tonight though, barely a minute passes before he hears the quiet snick of the front door, followed by the cheerful beep of the lock as it engages again.

Jaebum pulls the covers over his head.

 

#33 Fear

“You look like shit,” Jackson announces bluntly, dumping his tray with a clatter. Two tables down, the English department head clicks her tongue in disapproval but Jackson ignores her in favor of the more pressing matter at hand. “Why has Yugyeom been hogging our couch for the past two weeks?”

So that’s where he’s been. He’s had his suspicions, but not for a moment did he think that Yugyeom would have sought his former housemates out.

“Im Jaebum!”

Letting the slight go, Jaebum hesitantly asks, “Has he, does he—”

“Does he what? Dude, what is going on between you two?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Appetite gone, Jaebum pushes his tray away and stands but is pulled right back down with a harsh tug. “Well tough shit, because one of you fucking has to!” Jackson hisses, before apologizing to Mrs Yeon, who leaves in a huff. “Yugyeom isn’t saying anything, no matter how much Jinyoung cajoles or threatens him. “What did you do?”

“Why the fuck do you think _I_ did anything? I’m not the one who’s going out every night, doing god knows what with god knows who, getting so drunk he needs to be carted home. I’m not the one who promised forever and changed his mind, goddamnit!” The anger disappears as quickly as it comes, leaving bitterness in its wake. “Do you remember, back then, what you said?”

Still taken aback by his outburst, Jackson just waits for him to continue.

“You’re lucky, you know? You’re lucky you have Jinyoung, that you loved him and he loved you, and you’re lucky you turned out to be mates. Most of us, we don’t get that kind of luck, not in ten lifetimes.” He shakes his head and stands, tray in hand. “I guess this just proves we’re not meant to be, right?”

He’s halfway across the room when Jackson speaks up. “Why are you doing this? What are you so afraid of?”

“What?”

“So he’s not your soulmate. Doesn’t mean you need to push him away.”

“Were you listening to anything I was saying? _He_ was the one who’s changed his mind about us—”

“While you never made it up in the first place!” Jaebum has never seen Jackson this mad, not even at the height of him and Jinyoung’s worst fights. “He loves you, you know?”

Jaebum readies himself to argue, because he loves Yugyeom too. He’s told him, hasn’t he? It might have only been that one time and it’s been more than a year since but well, actions speak louder, don’t they? Why else would he have put up with his recent rebellious phase? A lesser person would have left by now. He takes a breath but Jackson isn’t done.

“You love him too, I know. But if right now, a stranger walks through the door and you see color, can you guarantee you won’t ride off into the sunset with them?”

“Of—” he starts, but Jackson is already slamming out of the break room.

Or course he can.

Can’t he?

 

#34 Lightning/Thunder

When the final bell rings, over the thunder claps that have been rumbling ominously all afternoon, Jaebum lets his students go with a quick, “Play hard but work hard too!” that falls on deaf ears as they race each other out of the classroom, eager to beat the incoming storm and get off school grounds. Chaos reigns out in the hallway but he’s used to this, the last day of school before the summer holidays. Slowly, he packs up his papers and pens, slides them carefully into his briefcase like he has all the time in the world.

Which he does. There’s nothing waiting for him at the apartment anyway.

Shaking off the melancholic thoughts, he considers texting Jinyoung for drinks since Jackson is still not speaking to him, but then a head pokes through the doorway and clears it throat.

“Hey hyung.”

It’s Youngjae, their resident music teacher. He’s new and he’s shy, but they’ve grown closer ever since working together on the school production, and getting piss drunk after the show was miraculously pulled off without a hitch. They’ve spent nearly every lunch break together in the music room since then, jamming together or just listening to Youngjae’s eclectic record collection. The few times Jackson had passed by, Jaebum would gesture for him to come in, only to be flat out ignored. 

“Hi Youngjae.” He gives him a small wave, laughs when the younger makes a face at the commotion. Beckoning him inside, they share a look of relief when the door slides closed, muting the noise.

“I’m definitely not going to miss that.”

Jaebum grins. Youngjae is a dedicated teacher who loves his students, so he just says, “I give it a week before you’re whining about being bored and missing them.”

Shrugging, Youngjae plants himself on the table, right onto the term papers Jaebum was sorting. “Ah but I’ll enjoy this blessed week of peace and quiet very much.”

He sticks his tongue out at Jaebum when he tries to push him off, and oh, it’s on. Grabbing Youngjae around the waist, Jaebum attempts to remove him forcibly but the younger is surprisingly strong, curling into himself and tunneling into Jaebum’s midsection in an attempt to gain leverage. He giggles cutely when Jaebum growls playfully and stands, momentum helping him to push Youngjae over so he’s flat on the table. Looming over him, Jaebum grins victoriously.

Their chests are heaving with the exertion, almost touching. There’s a breathy _hyung_ , and then a soft mouth meets his.

Youngjae is a good kisser and Jaebum is lost for a moment, having missed the feeling of a willing mouth and a warm body. Then he comes back to his senses and pushes up and away, hand automatically coming up to wipe at his lips before he catches himself and lowers it.

“Shit. I’m sorry, we—”

“Shouldn’t have done that, I know.”

Jaebum looks away, ashamed. “I’ve got a…” He trails off, unsure of how exactly to categorize Yugyeom, but Youngjae jumps in.

“I know all about your crush on the gym teacher, but hyung, you know he’s mated right?”

Gym teacher? Wait, “Jackson?! Oh hell no, I’m not, he’s not—I don’t have a crush on him, god no.”

“Oh.” Youngjae looks pleased, then pensive. “Then, is it because you’re waiting for your soulmate?”

Jaebum shakes his head. “No, I,” he starts, before realizing that his reflex reaction is actually a truthful reflection of his feelings. “No,” he says with renewed confidence. “I’ve met mine. Well, he’s not my soulmate, not exactly, but.”

He smiles at Youngjae, who returns it, although his is tinged with melancholy. “Congratulations, I guess. I wish mine would turn up soon. This song has been playing in my head forever.”

“Song?”

“Yeah, _Kiss From A Rose_ , of all things. Bonds, right? More trouble than they’re worth.”

 

#35 Bonds

They talked about it exactly once.

It was during one of their first dates, this thing between them new enough for Jaebum to spend twenty minutes dithering over his jacket, pulling it on and off alternatively to determine if he looks better with or without it. Jinyoung is the one who makes the decision for him in the end, pushing him out the door and throwing his phone and wallet after him with an exasperated, “Don’t come back until you’ve grown some balls, hyung!”

He barely has time to form a reply about respect or the lack thereof when the door is summarily shut in his face, so he has to content himself with sending a disgruntled sticker through KaTalk.

But all the resentment is forgotten when he sees Yugyeom waiting when he gets downstairs, leaning against a car with its engine running and channeling his best Jake Ryan. When the younger looks up and waves, Jaebum’s heart skips a beat. 

“Very _Sixteen Candles_ of you,” he comments when Yugyeom opens the car door for him with a flourish. “I didn’t know you drove?”

Yugyeom grins. “Does that make you Sam? I got my license just last month! Took me a few tries but I managed it in the end.”

Jaebum isn’t sure it’s something to be proud of, having to take a license exam more than once, and surreptitiously grips the side of his seat as Yugyeom puts the car into gear and pulls into the street. As it turns out, he didn’t have anything to worry about. Yugyeom is a careful and meticulous driver, and Jaebum gradually relaxes.

The city whips by and before long, they’re at a restaurant with a view of the sea. It would have been romantic, except Jaebum can’t really tell where the sand and water and sky ended or began, the drab shades blending into each other until they’re just a mass of gray. Times like this are when he resents his mark the most, and he absently tells Yugyeom this when the younger prods him, before realizing the enormity of what he’s just revealed.

“You never mentioned you had a mark,” Yugyeom says, quiet. He doesn’t sound at all accusing, but Jaebum has to fight the urge to squirm all the same.

“It never came up. Besides, it’s not really—I didn’t think it mattered.”

“But… don’t you want to meet the person who will, well, complete you?” He smiles ruefully at Jaebum. “I can’t be that for you, hyung.”

“I know that,” Jaebum replies, fiddling with the napkin in his lap. “I don’t need you to be, it doesn’t matter.”

“No?”

He looks up at the single word, at the hope that seeps from it. It sparks his courage, makes him reach across and squeeze Yugyeom’s hand. “No.”

When a single word so easily chases away the clouds in his eyes, Jaebum didn’t see what was so wrong with a little white lie.

Especially when it turns out to be the truth anyway.

Now he just has to let Yugyeom know.

 

* * *

 

#36 Market

On some level, Jaebum knew that there is a huge variety of flowers in existence, but he’s never really given much thought to exactly how many.

He’s sniffing at his third bunch of them at the morning market. They’re still not right, so he sets them down and picks up another. It would be a lot quicker going if he knew what color they should be, although it’s not like he could tell anyway, with his sight.

Or ask, for that matter. The stall owner has been staring at him suspiciously for as long as he’s been there, meticulously sniffing every type of bloom he can find, he knows, and tries his best to ignore it. The musty smell that’s beginning to take over the apartment is quickly driving him mad. If only he’d asked Yugyeom what they were.

“Y'need help?”

Startled, he looks up at the old lady, who’s looking impatient and unamused. He shakes his head but it doesn’t deter her.

“Know what you’re looking for?” This time, she doesn’t wait for his reply. “Try these. Blue hyacinths, they’re pretty popular.”

He takes them, bites back the part of him that wants to tell her he can’t tell if they’re blue or otherwise, and buries his nose in the flowers. They still don’t smell right though, and he hands them back.

“No?” She sniffs at them herself as if to check, then shrugs. “There’s a cute kid who would buy these every week, thought you young ones would have the same taste.”

Ears pricking up, Jaebum is about to ask after the kid, ask if he’s tall and lanky with a smile that rivals the sun. But that’s when he catches it, the air clouding over with the familiar scent of spring.

He turns, the name falling from his lips like a prayer.

The pieces fall into place.

 

#37 Technology

He remembers them seeing a movie once, in which timers are installed onto wrists, counting down to the exact second when one meets their soulmate. After it ends, Yugyeom twists from where he’s been lying on his lap and asks if he would get one if he could.

 

#38 Gift

“It’s not real,” he replies. “You’re real.”

Short of being unmarked, Yugyeom is everything he could ever ask for.

 

#39 Smile

The pieces fall into place and his lungs fill with sweetness because he can finally breathe again. He takes a shaky step forward.

“Yugyeom,” he manages over the lump in his throat. “How, how have you been?”

And there it is, the same smile from the very first time at the café and Jaebum thinks it’s happening all over again, he’s falling all over again. Except this time it’s not all innocent but tinged with caution and melancholy and other feelings that shouldn’t be in it. The realization makes him push himself the rest of the way forward.

Reaching out, he grabs hold of his arm. The slender wrist jerks in his grip, as though Yugyeom intends to run. He squeezes harder, holds on for all he’s worth.

“Gyeom-ah, hyung’s lonely without you.”

Yugyeom doesn’t reply, barely looks at him but he’s undeterred. He’s not letting go, not this time. “Come home?”

 

#40 Innocence

They go to a café.

It’s rather full circle considering how they met; Jaebum figures it’s apropos. Seating Yugyeom at a table, he heads to the counter to place their order, turning back every few seconds to check that the younger is still there. (He is. He breathes a sigh of relief.) He doesn’t care that the baristas are snickering at him from behind the machines. He’s not taking any chances.

“Thanks,” Yugyeom says when he brings their drinks over. He still looks about three seconds from bolting, his gaze trailing longingly to the entrance every so often, so Jaebum shifts his chair to cut off his line of sight to the door.

“How—”

“Hyung—”

He motions for Yugyeom to go ahead but the younger just shakes his head and buries his nose in his hot chocolate. Remembering all the times he’s brushed him off when he’d tried, Jaebum doesn’t blame him for not wanting to talk anymore. He steels himself. Here goes nothing.

“I’m sorry.”

That at least gets Yugyeom to look up, eyes wide.

“I made you think you weren’t enough, that what we had was temporary. I can’t imagine how shitty that must have felt.”

“No hyung, I was the one who—”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, I was a shitty partner,” Jaebum cuts in. His insides are twisting with the need to say his piece, to get Yugyeom to hear him out, right now, because he doesn’t know if he can do this again. The guilt is overwhelming. “I was—I was selfish, and unfair, and I’d understand if you don’t, but.”

His voice cracks embarrassingly and he chances a look. Yugyeom is still staring at him with that unreadable look in his eyes, so he pushes himself to continue. “But if you’d let me, if there’s even a chance of you still—still loving me, I’ll do better, I swear I will.” He sucks in a quick breath to brace himself. 

“So please, Gyeom, come home?”

 

#41 Completion

Waking up with a warm body next to his where it belongs is oddly novel, even though he should be used to it. Jaebum stretches, cat-like, and turns to face Yugyeom, who’s still sleeping. He’s bathed by morning light, the sheets barely covering a milky shoulder. He’s the most beautiful thing Jaebum has ever seen.

It wasn’t instantaneous, getting back to this moment. It takes a long while and a lot of learning, rediscovering things they thought they knew about each other. Not the superficial, like how he likes his showers blistering hot and his laundry folded, the way he eats the yolks last but strawberries on shortcakes first, but the fundamental. Like how he’s always been deathly afraid of falling down stairs, how he doesn’t really care if they can get married legally, how he thinks about dying at least once a day.

“Not in a suicidal way hyung, don’t get me wrong, I just like to imagine it, that’s all,” he says innocently. Jaebum just tells him he’s insane, before tightening his hold on him and telling him he’ll bring him back to life to strangle sense into him if he ever kills himself. Yugyeom laughs.

It’s slow-going, getting back to where they were, but they’re doing it together so Jaebum doesn’t mind the pace one bit, because this time it feels realer, like they have actually an end goal in sight that they’re working toward, beyond living for the present. He may still see the world in shades of gray, but having Yugyeom in his life makes even monochromes brilliant. For once in his life, he feels whole.

He reaches out to brush away the hair falling into Yugyeom’s eyes. It makes the long lashes flutter and his nose twitch and Jaebum waits for him to wake, but he settles back into sleep mere moments later. Jaebum grins. It’s just as well.

Creeping forward, he plants a light kiss on his jaw, nuzzles his cheek against the stubble that’s poked its way out overnight. At the sudden touch, Yugyeom snuffles and turns onto his back. The covers slip to his stomach with the movement, and Jaebum takes advantage of it to pepper kisses over his sternum, his chest, his stomach, to run his tongue over the fuzzy trail of hair, feeling the muscles jump under his tongue.

There’s a sigh and Yugyeom is shifting under him, splaying his legs wider. He pushes his hips up, just a fraction, but Jaebum catches it anyway. Without waiting for him to still, Jaebum tugs the sheets lower, intentionally dragging it over skin. He looks on in interest as the featherlight touch makes Yugyeom’s dick, previously limp, start to fill and harden. It’s fascinating. Slowly, he runs a finger down the length of it, then up, and then down again, sucking in a quick breath at the way it languidly but surely leaps to full attention.

 _So pretty_. Licking his lips, he darts his head down and gives the flushed head a tentative kiss, smiling in satisfaction when the thigh under his hand jerks. Running his hand teasingly over it, he’s rewarded with a louder sigh and wetness bumping against his cheek. With such an invitation, how can he resist?

Throwing caution to the wind, Jaebum opens his mouth to breathe over the head before sucking him deep. That earns him a long, deep moan. Encouraged, he rises onto his elbows and sinks down again, hollowing his mouth to take Yugyeom to the hilt.

“Wh—hyung?”

Jaebum grins up at a disoriented Yugyeom, taking in the sleepy eyes and blown pupils. He sucks hard, and is immediately gratified to see the younger arch back onto the pillow with a groan, eyes sliding closed.

“Oh _fuck_ , hyung, I want _—_ ”

With his mouth full, all Jaebum can do is hum encouragingly, and the way his throat tightens has Yugyeom moaning, loud and broken. Jaebum sucks harder, needing to give him the world. 

Fingers come up to tangle clumsily in his hair, gently tugging as he bobs up and down, getting him wet and slick. Yugyeom comes fast, he always does on mornings like these, and Jaebum barely gets any warning other than a pained gasp and a breathy _I’m coming_  before his mouth is filled with the bitter, familiar taste.

Releasing him with a soft _pop_ , Jaebum makes a show of swallowing, and is pleased at the way it makes Yugyeom’s eyes darken even more. He crawls up the bed and is immediately greeted by eager hands and lips. Yugyeom is still shuddering with the aftershocks, especially when Jaebum grinds his cock against his possibly oversensitive one as he works his own way toward completion, making him tremble even more.

The sweetness of spring tempers the sourness of morning breath and the lingering bitterness. Jaebum breathes it in, fills himself up with it.

 

* * *

 

#42 Clouds

He brings it up on a dreary Sunday afternoon when they’ve both got nowhere better to be and nothing pressing to do. Outside, the clouds are low and dark, and thunder rumbles in the distance. They’re on the couch, Jaebum with his head on Yugyeom’s lap, enjoying the feeling of long fingers carding through his hair as they read.

“Have I ever told you, you smell like spring?”

Shutting his book—something about Descartes or other, he’s barely paying attention with the way Yugyeom's absent petting has been lulling him into a stupor—he lays it on his chest and grins up through his reading glasses at Yugyeom’s quizzical look.

“Spring?”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed it since the first time we met. It’s sweet, kinda like,” he squints as he tries to remember, because he’s done his homework in preparation for this moment. “Peonies? Yeah, peonies.”

Yugyeom chuckles. “Is this a roundabout way of you telling me you want to top again sometime? We can always switch, although we both know you like it better when I fuck you.”

He whispers the last few words with a devilish smirk, leaning down so he’s just a hair’s breadth away from Jaebum’s lips. Jaebum refuses to take the bait. 

“Why do you think I let you,” he replies blandly, looking him dead in the eye. Despite the way he looks, he’s not one to care much about labels or who puts what where. Besides, Yugyeom isn’t wrong, he does like it better. After a few moments, Yugyeom laughs and gives him a quick peck on the lips before straightening back up, fondness plain in his smile.

Picking up the magazine he put aside earlier, he says, “I know, hyung, you just want me to do all the work. Make coffee Gyeom, buy flowers Gyeom, fuck me Gyeom.” He grins at the good-natured slap that gets him.

“I’m serious though.” Twisting, Jaebum noses at the cotton-covered belly, ignoring the way his glasses dig painfully into skin. “S’nice.”

Attention already back on the article he was reading, Yugyeom just hums absently, the vibrations traveling up Jaebum’s cheek. Breathing deep, he says, “You know, out of all the manifestations, olfactory ones are the rarest?”

 

#43 Sky

The few seconds it takes for his revelation to sink in seem interminable, but then he feels Yugyeom stiffen, the meaning behind his words finally processed and comprehended. To add to the momentous moment, lightning flashes outside, illuminating the sky.

“Hyung, are you saying…”

“I think? Maybe? There’s no way to prove it, but… maybe.” He smiles softly up at Yugyeom, whose eyes are tellingly bright. “I’d want it to be, but honestly, I don’t need you to be. It doesn’t matter.”

It’s an echo of what he’d said to Yugyeom at the very beginning, repeated countless times after until it became a tainted litany that encouraged doubt to grow unfettered. Now though, it rings differently to Jaebum. Truer.

Yugyeom seems to hear it too, because in a smooth, practiced motion, he’s tugging off his glasses and kissing him, licking in deep and devouring him. Jaebum laughs into it, the sound embarrassingly joyful even to his own ears, arching up and kissing him back with equal enthusiasm.

 

#44 Heaven

But all too quickly, Yugyeom is leaning back, ignoring the displeased whine Jaebum emits as he chases for more.

“They say auditory ones are rarer.”

There’s wonder in his eyes, disbelief mixed with a careful happiness, and there it is, the feeling of two puzzle pieces, made for each other, slotting perfectly into place. To think that what he’s been looking for all this time has been right by his side after all.

All of a sudden, he imagines he hears it too, a never ending refrain of _you, you, you_ , except it’s not in the light alto of Jang Bumjoon but a chorus of angels, and that is when he feels it, all the possible colors in the world converging into a brilliant supernova within him.

Nothing’s changed, yet _everything’s_ changed.

He surges up so their lips meet.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i didn't manage to do all 50 oops but the last one is supernova so i'm making it count idc
> 
> fuck this was hard to write?? this was my baby for the longest time i angsted over it for MONTHS i kid you not, i probably rewrote it at least five times lol. also i can't believe it's >10k i didn't think that would ever happen again
> 
> i needed something to fix the block i was going through so i decided to attempt the 1sentence challenge, which... was much harder than i thought it would be!! some of the connections are tenuous and abstract, and a lot of it is rambly and pretentious and... even if it's terrible i just wanted to write a yugbum love story bc i live for this ship and will go down with it!!
> 
> originally i wanted to give jaebum colored sight with colorblind glasses but it didn't fit into the story so /shrugs anyway he eventually gets to see the world in color again (but even if he doesn't he's okay bc he has yugyeom <3)
> 
> if it's not clear enough, jaebum and yugyeom are soulmates the dumbasses just didn't know it.
> 
> thanks for reading! <3


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